deaf wife?
A man goes to the doctor and complains that
his wife can't hear him.
"How bad is it?" the doctor asks.
"I have no idea", says the husband.
"Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something.
If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep
moving closer repeating the comment until she does hear you. That
way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss."
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up
vegetables for dinner.
From 20 feet: "What are we having for dinner?" No answer.
From 10 feet, same thing.
From 5 feet, same thing.
Finally he's standing right behind her ... "What's for dinner?"
She turns around, looks at him and says "For the FOURTH time ...
BEEF STEW!"
*********
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out
and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd
like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking
about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have
you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor
15 to 2."
*********
Hopkins, a mummy`s boy, was sent to levy. After a month working
there his father died. The General told the official to tell Hopkins
the bad news, and asked him to be very keen about it, since Hopkins
is a very sensitive man. The official told him not to worry, as
he knew how to deal with certain situations. The official, with
a commanding and powerful voice said to Hopkins : "Hopkins, your
father is dead!!!!!!!!!!" Hokpins cried and cried for a whole month
after this news. Three months after Hopkin`s mother died, and the
general wanted to say himself the bad news. The official insisted
that he should give him the bad news. After hesitating a little,
the general agreed, but told him to be more keen. The official lined
up his soldiers and in a commaning voice he yelled : "All soldiers
that have their mother alive; two paces forward" "HOPKINS, where
are you coming?????"
*********
Four surgeons were taking a coffe break and were discussing their
work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to opperate
on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second
said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You openthem
up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."The third said,
"I like to operate on electricians. You open them up andeverything
inside is color-coded. The fourth one said, "I like to operate on
lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and
their ass are interchangable."
*********
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's
special is chicken almandine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds
good; I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," Hillary replies. |
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