how do you feel
An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter,
"How do you feel?"
"How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck
here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"
*********
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange
eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and
car
wax. What will happen to her?" Eventually" said the Doctor, "she
will rise and shine!"
*********
Fred goes to a doctor and says, 'Doc, I want to be castrated.' Doc
says, 'Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what
your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation.'
Fred: 'Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarassed
about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will
you do it?' Doc says, 'Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception.
I don't understand it, but OK.' He puts Fred to sleep, does the
trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. 'Well,
Doc, how'd it go?' Fred asks. 'It went fine, just fine. It's really
not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is
a lot to pay for such a simple task and I felt a little guilty about
taking that much. So while I was operating I also noticed that you
had never been circumsized, so I went ahead and did that, too. I
think it's really better for a man to be circumsized, and I hope
you don't mind my ...' 'CIRCUMSIZED!' yells Fred. 'THAT'S the word!'
*********
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where
they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the sex,
they fell asleep, awakening around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his
clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them
through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she none the less complied.
He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?"
Demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie
to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been
having sex all afternoon and I fell asleep." The wife glanced down
at his shoes and said, "You're lying! You've been playing golf!"
*********
There were these 2 friends, best of buddies. One was quite the party
type who owned a Parrot, the other was not...(matter of fact he
was a quite polite, non-swearing type.) One day the owner of the
Parrot came to his buddy and announced that he had accepted a job
overseas, and to his dismay, he would not be allowed to take the
Parrot with him. He asked his buddy if he could care for his Parrot
while he was gone. Reluctantly, the buddy said yes, (knowing the
Parrot's bad habit of using foul language on a regular basis). On
the first day, all was well. The Parrot was happy and kind. On the
second day..the buddy asked the Parrot how he was feeling. Immediately,
the Parrot let out a string of expletives that would make a truck
driver blush. Since this was not acceptable behavior, the buddy
became very angry and put the Parrot in his kitchen cabinet to teach
him some respect. After a few minutes of wing flopping and screaming,then
silence, the buddy let the Parrot out. He asked the Parrot if he
had learned his lesson. The Parrot replied again with another slew
of expletives. The buddy (being aggravated himself) decided to put
the Parrot in the freezer, hoping he would learn a lesson. After
5 minutes of non-stop wing beating and squawking, the Parrot fell
silent. The buddy opened the freezer and the Parrot quitely climbed
down his arm. When asked if he had learned his lesson, the Parrot
replied, " Oh Yes Sir", very politely. "But...Sir, may I ask you
but one question"? "Why of course" replied the buddy.... The Parrot
answered with "What did the Chicken do"? |
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