a good news
At the hospital, there as a man laying in the emergency room, the
doctor opened the door and walked toward the man. 'Doctor,' the
man said,'Will I be ok?'The doctor turned to him and said, 'Well
there is good and bad news.''Tell me the bad news', said the man.'Well,'
said the doctor, 'the bad news is that we are going to have to cut
both your legs off.' 'Ohh my god,' said the man, 'What the hell
is the good news?' 'The good news is,' said the doctor, 'see that
man over there, he wants to buy your shoes..'
********
A lady doing laundry discovered that the dryer stopped getting hot.
"Hey honey" she called to her husband. "The dryer's broke.. can
you fix it?" "Who do I look like... the Kenmore repairman?"
A few days later the dishwasher broke. "Hey Honey, the dishwasher
broke. Can you fix it?" "Who do I look like... the Maytag man?"
grumbled her husband.
A few days later the oven broke. "Hey honey... I can't fix dinner...
the oven broke. Can you fix it?" "Who do I look like... an oven
repair man?"
A few weeks later the husband said to his wife, "Hey honey. I noticed
you got all that stuff around the house fixed. How much did it cost?"
"Well" the wife replied, "You know Mick next door. Well, he agreed
to do all the repairs for free if I'd sleep with him or bake him
a cake." "What kind of cake did you make him?"
"Who do I look like, Betty Crocker?"
********
A man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally
says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls
flat on
his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and
falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands
up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up
the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand
up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens
the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks.
'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'
********
Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land
. . .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me:
"Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."
********
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always
late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him
if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who
gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom
slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely
breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill
actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were
you yesterday?"
********
A guy is having breakfast when his wife comes on down and is mad
as hell at him.He asks why she's mad... She says that she found
a
piece of paper with the name MARILU on it..He pauses and says: Honey
that is a tip on a horse that ran last week at the track when
he went with his friends,she calms down somewhat. Next morning she
comes down really mad this time and starts slapping him he asks
what the hell got her so mad this time; she says THE HORSE JUST
CALLED YOU.
********
This lady got home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey,
I just won the lottery!" The husband says "Oh wonderful! Should
I
pack for the beach or the mountains?" She then replies, "I don't
care...Just get the hell out!" |
| |
|